As a parent, we desperately want the best for our children’s future. So when it comes to their education, it’s normal to focus heavily on future outcomes + goals. While this comes from a well-intentioned and loving place, this approach is missing one of the most important ingredients of a ripe learning environment.

Essentially, when we as parents operate primarily from a 

(outcome-oriented; focus on grades, test scores, college acceptance, etc.)

(process-oriented; focus on play, creativity + mistakes), 

our children’s brains are less primed for learning.

In other words, when learning becomes pressured, the brain, quite simply, doesn’t operate as effectively. So, what are we as parents left to do when we naturally care about our child’s success, yet this deep care can backfire?

The Neuroscience of Play + Your Child’s Learning

Firstly, let’s take a closer look at the neuroscience behind play as it relates to your child’s brain + learning. Thankfully, due to exponential advances in positive psychology + neuroscience,  we know that the cognitive function of the brain is enhanced in states of “play,” “flow state,” or “presence.”

These states are generally characterized by being fully immersed in the moment - versus doing something while focused on its future outcome. While there still may be a goal one is working towards, there is an ability to relax, let go of the future-based intention and simply be present with one’s current activity. As a result, these states tend to be accompanied by greater enjoyment + less stress.

On the flip side, when we’re not in this state, we’re thinking about whether what we’re doing is “good enough” to achieve the future-based goal. Instead of being completely immersed in the activity at hand, the activity of the brain is analyzing + assessing what we are doing, as we are doing it. This hypervigilance literally takes away energy from the brain’s ability to focus more readily on the task at hand. As a result, this diminishes the natural chemical reactions in the brain that assist learning + cognitive function.

When the brain is simply present in what it’s doing and in this state of play or “flow”, neuroscience shows that the brain’s “miracle gro” (a neurotransmitter that enhances the connections in the brain, i.e. supports learning, memory, problem solving, etc.) is boosted. Additionally, world-renowned positive psychologist and Harvard MBA researcher Shawn Achor illustrates in his book “The Happiness Advantage” the increases in creativity, ability to handle stress, task management, and executive functioning that are seen when the brain is in a relaxed, present, joyful state.

The recognition of the neuroscience of play + learning is becoming more and more mainstream, as there are even entire consulting companies dedicated to infusing play back into the workforce, even for adults. Thus, it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore the potentially counterproductive impact of future-based, pressure-filled academic environments on our children’s education (and happiness, of course!).

Your Parent Brain Becomes Your Child’s Brain

Perhaps even more important to note is the significant research demonstrating that we, as parents, are the “extended nervous system” of our children. In simpler terms, 

 brain state is actively influencing our child’s brain state. This process happens from infanthood onwards, as a child is always looking to their parents to regulate their internal state.

To take it one step further, through what are called “mirror neurons”, our children’s brains (yes, even in teenage years and through adulthood) quite literally attune to the emotional state of those around them. We have the powerful responsibility and gift of showing our children what is worth stressing over, and what isn’t. It’s important to take inventory of the potential role of our (again, well-intentioned) desire for our children to succeed and whether or not it’s truly helping.

3 Steps You Can Take To Change You + Your Child’s Brain State for Relaxed Learning

So, how do we just “relax” when academic outcomes do play an important role in our child’s future? Firstly, you can address what is causing your child’s academic outcomes to feel so high stakes in the first place. An incredibly powerful tool to “lower the stakes” in your brain is neutrality. You can use neutrality + objectivity to assess the validity of your thoughts around any particular topic. Because we must remember that our brain is wired for survival - fear-based and very good at finding potential problems and worst-case scenarios.

While this helped us in times when our physical survival was threatened, operating from this place isn’t necessarily effective or even relevant in our modern world. Thus, you can simply ask - “Is it really 100% accurate that ______ (ex: my child’s entire future success + happiness rests so heavily in this one area of their life)?” This helps lower the stakes and question the validity of our brain’s fear-based thoughts. Another way of bringing in neutrality can be asking yourself - “Is there truly NO other evidence that supports _____ (ex: that my child can succeed + be happy in life without solely fixating on their academic outcomes)?”

2. Are Your Thoughts Even Achieving Anything?

Secondly, we must become aware of how often our future-based thoughts are not counterproductive.. Our fear-based mind feels a (false) sense of security by thinking about things. It feels like, “well, I must be making progress on ____ (my child’s future) if I’m thinking about it.” However, this isn’t necessarily true.

In any given moment, rather than simply thinking about something, we can either do something about it, plan to do something about it, or realize there’s nothing we can do right now and we must practice letting go. Letting go is the hardest part and can be eased by our next step.

3. Turning Off The “Useless” Brain Activity

The third step is learning to quiet the mind’s chatter. This is because the mind is what pulls us into the future, constantly thinking about our goals (vs. being able to simply be present in what we’re doing, still knowing we can achieve our future goals). So, how do we quiet the mind and “just be present”?

The key is having some sort of anchor, like your breath, to come back to when the mind is pulling you into future-based thoughts. When you notice your mind thinking “how is my child ever going to…” or “my child is falling behind, I’m so concerned that they won’t be able to...”, firstly, remind yourself that thinking about it isn’t necessarily achieving anything productive.

Then, redirect away from these thoughts by focusing on some sensory component of your breath - feeling it, hearing it, or seeing it (the rise and fall of your belly). As soon as your brain wanders back to future-based stressors, come back to the breath again and repeat. Repeat, repeat, and repeat. It’s not about living in this way 24/7, but rather, building the skill of relaxing the mind when it’s no longer serving you or your child.

As a natural result of doing these 3 things, your child will 

 be able to relax. Remember, they attune to our brain state, and we are teaching them what is worth stressing over or not. In doing so, this creates a positive feedback loop in which your relaxation creates a more productive space for learning.

Finally, when we are genuinely able to live in this way, we’re better equipped to help our children learn how to relax their own brain. And by being able to team up beside them and offer concrete tips on how to stress less, they’ll feel even more relaxed knowing we genuinely care about their state of mind as our number one priority. And ironically, taking the pressure 

Mel Daly is a mother, mindfulness teacher, brain-body expert and personal trainer who helps clients release stress, find greater work-life flow, and achieve their wellness, personal + professional goals with greater ease and joy. Her approach is centered on the brain-body connection and enabling clients to experience greater momentum in 

. She offers private virtual coaching, personal training, online mindfulness and wellness courses for mothers, retreats/workshops, e-books and free guided audios/videos. Learn more at her website 

 and her Instagram @meldaly_infinitiewellness!



The Power of Relaxing Your Grip on Your Child's Education

The Secondary School Admission Test (SSAT) is a private school admissions test. It is administered at three levels: elementary, middle and upper. The elementary level is designed for students who are currently in 3rd or 4th grade, the middle level for students in grades 5, 6, or 7, and the upper level for students in grades 8-11. It is offered in various formats – a paper test at a test center or school, a computerized test at a test center, or a computerized test at home – though the paper test is the most common form. The formats available to you will depend on your level and where you live.

What are SSAT test dates in the 2022-2023 school year?

The standard paper test is traditionally administered once a month from October to April, as well as once in June. In the 2022-2023 school year, these dates are: Nov 5, Dec 10, Jan 7, Feb 4. The March and April dates have not yet been released. There are also additional paper testing dates, called flex dates, which are administered by EMA-affiliated schools and consultants. Not all of the flex dates are open to the public, so availability may be limited. Computerized tests (at a test center or at home) are not restricted to the standard paper test dates.

Note that students are limited in the number of times they can sit the exam in a given school year. The limit depends on your level, where you live, and what format of the test you’re taking, so consult 

. You’ll need to make an online account, which you can use to register, apply for testing accommodations, to print your admission ticket, designate score recipients, reschedule your test, and receive score reports. Registering within two weeks of the test date will incur late fees, and applying for accommodations for students with disabilities closes 14 days before each test.

The cost of the SSAT varies depending on your level, where you live, and what format of the test you take. For students in the US taking the traditional paper test, the test costs $105 at the elementary level and $165 at the middle/upper levels. Students may be eligible for a fee waiver, which applies to the test fee only. Eligibility for a fee waiver is determined largely by household income.

The SSAT consists of five or six sections (depending on your level) of the following types:

The quantitative section requires students to solve mathematical problems. At the elementary level, topics covered include basic arithmetic, number ordering, fractions, properties of shapes, measurement, and graph interpretation. The middle and upper level tests feature problems involving algebra, geometry, data analysis, probability, and advanced arithmetic.

The verbal reasoning section consists of two types of questions: identifying synonyms and completing analogies. It is designed to capture a student’s grasp of language and vocabulary, including the ability to discern nuanced relationships between ideas.

In the reading comprehension section, students will be asked to read a series of short passages and answer questions that test their understanding of each passage. Students should be able to recognize the main idea of a passage, locate details, make inferences, discern an author’s intent and style, evaluate arguments, and infer the meaning of a word from its context.

The writing section is the only section that is not multiple choice, and it is not scored. In this section, students are asked to write a response to a given prompt. At the elementary level, students write a story about a provided image prompt. At the middle and upper levels, students have the option to choose between a creative prompt or an essay prompt exploring a personal opinion. Schools evaluating this section will be looking for responses that are well-organized, use strong grammar and vocabulary for the student’s grade level, and communicate ideas clearly.

The experimental section is composed of mixed content questions similar to questions you might find in the verbal, reading, or quantitative sections. Its purpose is to test the quality of potential future SSAT questions, and is not scored.

The elementary level test is 2 hours and 5 minutes. It proceeds as follows:

Quantitative section: 30 questions in 30 minutes

Verbal section: 30 questions in 20 minutes

Reading section: 28 questions in 30 minutes

Experimental section: 15-17 questions in 15 minutes

The middle and upper level tests are 3 hours and 10 minutes. They proceed as follows:

Quantitative section #1: 25 questions in 30 minutes

Reading section: 40 questions in 40 minutes

Verbal section: 60 questions in 30 minutes

Quantitative section #2: 25 questions in 30 minutes

Experimental section: 16 questions in 15 minutes

Students receive a scaled score and a percentile for each scored section (Quantitative, Verbal, and Reading), as well as a scaled score and percentile for the test as a whole. The scaled score is based on a student’s raw score, and is converted to the scaled range based on the difficulty of the test. For the middle and upper levels, the raw score includes a quarter point penalty for every wrong answer that a student gives, but elementary students get no penalty for wrong answers.

The scaled section score ranges are 300-600 at the elementary level, 440-710 at the middle level, and 500-800 at the upper level. The scaled score for the test as a whole is just the sum of each scaled section score, and thus ranges from 900-1800 at the elementary level, 1320-2130 at the middle level, and 1500-2400 at the upper level.

The percentile scores compare a student’s scaled scores to that of students at the same grade level on SSAT tests from the past three years. A 60th percentile score, for example, means you’re performing better than 60% of those students.

The score range you should be aiming for depends on what schools you are applying to. Many schools provide information (e.g. the average SSAT scores of competitive applicants) on their admissions sites, but not all do. There are independent websites that provide estimates on average SSAT scores accepted by schools, such as 

. These estimates are based on self-reported data from students using the site. As a rule of thumb, most private schools are looking for SSAT scores around or above the 50th percentile, and the most competitive schools tend to accept students with scores above the 80th percentile.

The SSAT is designed to challenge students, so it is likely more difficult than a student’s school exams. Moreover, the test probably covers some content that you have not studied in school, so you’ll need to expand and orient your prep work beyond normal schoolwork. It’s also important to remember, however, that you’re ultimately graded against students at the same grade level, so you don’t necessarily need a perfect raw score to perform well.

Most importantly, make sure you print and bring your admission ticket, which you can find at your 

 account. You’ll also want to bring #2 pencils (not mechanical), snacks in a clear plastic bag, and a drink in a clear bottle.

Many items are prohibited, including: all electronics, personal items such as backpacks or purses, certain clothing items such as coats and hats, and even many school supplies such as books, erasers, mechanical pencils, rulers, extra paper, etc. Students may bring a cell phone to the testing location, but are strongly discouraged from doing so. If you do bring your phone, it 

 be turned completely off, even during breaks.

Aim to arrive at the testing location 30-45 minutes early, to give yourself ample time to check in. Students will not be admitted after testing begins.

In case you do not perform as well as you had hoped on your first test, it’s good to have another opportunity to take the test. Even if you don’t end up taking the test a second time, we recommend scheduling your first test early enough to give you time to test again if need be.

Simulating the real test by taking full-length practice tests provides invaluable insights in your preparation journey. It will help you hone your content review, learn how to pace yourself well, build stamina, and be psychologically prepared for the real test.

Studying frequently in smaller blocks of time is more effective than cramming in long, infrequent periods. This will help you retain information better, as the information is reinforced regularly, and avoid mental overload. We recommend studying 30-60 minutes a day, at least a few times a week.

The Verbal section is designed to test students’ vocabulary, and includes words you likely have not encountered before. Expanding your vocabulary is crucial for this section, but will also help you perform on the Reading and Writing sections as well.

Reading a variety of texts, and frequently, will help expand your vocabulary and train your ability to understand complex passages in the Reading section. Try to challenge yourself with texts you might not ordinarily read, such as newspaper articles, scientific magazines, poetry, and so on.

It’s hard to perform well on a test when you don’t know what to expect. Beyond the content covered, make sure you understand the test structure, timing, and scoring. This will help you feel comfortable on test day, develop test taking strategies, and avoid any unpleasant surprises.

7. Learn and develop test taking strategies

Once you understand what to expect on the test, it’s important to have a plan for how to approach it. You might want to ask yourself questions such as: How will you keep track of your timing? When and how will you guess on questions you’re not sure about? How will you identify important information in the reading passages? Etc.

Doing practice problems and taking full length practice tests will help you get a sense of what your strengths and weaknesses are, both in regards to the content as well as broader aspects of the test, such as timing. Paying attention to what you have mastered, and more importantly what you have yet to master, will help you hone and optimize your focus while studying.

Setting goals can help guide you on your journey. This will help you assess how ready you are for the test beforehand, and whether you should retake it once you receive your first scores. It can also help motivate you as you study, and is a good metric by which to track your progress.

A tutor can help you with every step of the process: from making a study plan, to reviewing content, and more. IVY’s experienced and accomplished 

 are happy to guide you on your SSAT study journey, help you reach your target score, and get into your top-choice schools!

SSAT: Everything You Need to Know

Guess post written by Linda Talton, founder of 

Private school in NYC is expensive. The good news: not only does financial aid at independent schools exist, but it is also accessible to about 25 to 30 percent of families at most schools you will be applying to. 

The decision to apply for aid will be different for each family. For many, this will be a no-brainer, as there is simply no way they can afford the amount of tuition schools are asking to cover the academic year and expenses. But for other families, particularly those who only qualify for partial assistance, this decision may take some further thought and consideration.

 Will this investment in my child's education cause some financial discomfort? Possibly. But we may be able to swing it anyway.

Either way, it is important to know that each school has a different bottom line or amount of money that they allot for financial aid each year; some have large endowments, while others do not. These factors will have an impact on a school's level of generosity when it comes to the amount of aid that they can provide, if in fact a family qualifies.

In this article, we’ve outlined the essential information you need to know about financial aid for private schools in NYC in order for you to make an informed decision about your child’s educational future.

Private schools in NYC cost between $55,0000 and $65,000 per year, approximately. Kindergarten can often be at the lower end of the spectrum, but not always. Some schools have 3’s and 4’s programs that tend to cost approximately $30,000 to $45,000, which can be a good entry point for some families.

Private high school in NYC costs approximately 55k - 65k per year.

How much is private middle school in NYC?

Private middle school in NYC generally costs the same as high school, so approximately 55k - 65k per year. 

Catholic school in NYC is generally more affordable than other private schools, and can cost anywhere between 9k to 25k per year. However, independent Catholic schools like the Marymount School of New York or the Loyola School will cost the same as other private schools. 

How do I get financial aid for private school in NYC?

Information regarding financial aid can be found on each school's website, usually in the admission section. To receive financial aid, you must submit an application. These applications usually open mid-October. It is important to keep in mind that questions regarding financial aid (or what some schools might call “tuition assistance”) are welcomed by the admission office, so do not hesitate to reach out and establish a relationship with them. When you fill out the applications, you should have your W2’s or 1099's on hand in order to complete the form. Also consider any and all household and family expenses, as this will have an impact on the amount of aid that you may qualify for.

Families may or may not qualify for financial aid based on their income, assets and outgoing expenses. There are families that simply have too high of an income to qualify for tuition assistance, but many families will qualify, especially in a city like New York with such a high cost of living.

Is sending your kid to private school worth the financial burden?

Sending you kid to private school can absolutley be worth the financial investment. However, this depends on your financial situation and whether or not you have access to other high quality, lower-cost options. Private schools have the independence to create and deliver unique curriculum and educational experiences for their students that other schools simply can't. The small class sizes allows them to fine-tune instruction, to address the needs of individual learners, and to really get to know their students and families. Private schools are more than just schools; they are also communities. There is a real partnership formed between school and family, which enhances the learning experience for students. Private school can be well worth the financial investment, but this is a decision that each family has to make for themselves.

Can you use private school tuition as a tax deduction?

Unfortunately, private school tuition cannot be used as a tax deduction.

Financial aid can be a game changer for many families when it comes to the educational trajectory of their children. But most importantly, it is vital to the cultural health of a school community. Many studies have shown that the representation of multiple voices in a classroom adds to the richness of the academic experience for all students. 

If you need help navigating the private school admissions process, consider working with me at 

. I spent my career working in private school admssions offices, and then started School First because I have faith that these schools can offer the kind of education that allows students to truly reach their full potential. At 

, we know the process and we know what schools are looking for when building their community. We will help you share your child’s story, and together, determine the best school to help your child succeed and thrive.

Financial Aid for Private Schools in NYC: What You Need to Know

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